The Only Place
by cooperfeld
Summary: "I swear to the holy lord above, if you try to climb over and try that carpet munching weirdness on me I will throw you overboard." Sneering at her, Lauren began to unpack her massive bag onto her bed. "Even though you probably love the smell of fish." - Farrah and Bruce take Amy and Lauren on their honeymoon cruise. Cooperfeld/Amen.
1. PROLOGUE

**A/N:** Okay, hi! I haven't written anything in a while. I used to write a lot of fanfiction, and sort of fell out of it. However, I noticed the lack of Lauren/Amy fics and I decided that I could possibly try my hand at it once again. This is just a little prologue, but I've gotten the first chapter halfway done writing. Hope you like it! Feedback would be great. I'm rather insecure about my writing, so we'll see how this goes.

* * *

**PROLOGUE: **

Perfect timing, Bruce and Farrah. Yes, lately Amy had been referring to her mother as 'Farrah'. Maybe it was because she liked being ironic, or maybe she just liked pissing off her mom. Honestly, Amy was still a little ticked off that Lauren was her Maid of Honor. She was like, four feet tall - she could've pulled off a flower girl.

But that was beside the fact. Bruce and Farrah were going on a cruise ship for the next three weeks. At first, Amy was thrilled. She'd get to be alone and mellow in her self-pity as she cried and threw things because she slept with Liam Booker. Liam _fucking_ Booker. And she had yet to tell Karma, so maybe she could think about that too.

"Amy," her mother's southern accent drawled out as she came into her room earlier that day. "I just don't want to leave you here alone. How can I trust you not to bring Karma over and do _lesbian_ things with her?" The fact that her mother continued to whisper 'lesbian' was embarrassing. Wake up, Farrah, it's the twenty-first century.

"Mom, seriously?" Amy whined, throwing her pillow in frustration. Not hard, just to the floor in front of Farrah's feet just to make her pick it up. More struggle. "I bet you would've been _fine_ leaving me here with Lauren and _her_ boyfriend!"

"Oh, Amy!" It was a phrase that the small blonde had heard many times before. "Lauren is excited to come along-look, she's already started packing!" At that moment, Amy could see her bubbly step-sister walk by with a massive pink suitcase… it looked like something Elle Woods would be carrying around if she was the size of Godzilla.

"You're going with us and that's that. I've already called your school, they're completely fine with sending you and Lauren along with your homework. It'll be fun! No Texas, no drama, and no _Karma_." And that was exactly what Amy needed to hear at that point. Maybe no Karma would be good.

Not to mention there would be no Liam Booker, either.


	2. CHAPTER 1: COME TOGETHER

**A/N:** Okay, so this chapter is a little short. I was going to let it go on a little, but decided that the rest would be for chapter two. Inspiration for this chapter was the Beatles, hence the title. Thanks for the kind reviews, guys! I'm getting even more pumped to write this! Enjoy. Xx

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE: COME TOGETHER.**

The drive to the ship port was alright. Amy pushed her headphones in and let the sounds of The Kooks cover up Lauren's annoyingly high pitched voice talking to her mother about tanning and probably pink bikinis with pink drinks and pink fucking cupcakes. However, it was much different once they got to their destination. It was literally a bunch of old people-like really _old_ people-getting on the boat and that's when Amy Raudenfeld realized that this was going to be the most boring and ridiculous trips of her life. She was almost thankful that Lauren was going to be there. Almost.

"Alright, you two," Bruce started, looking happily up at the boat that they were lined up to get on. "You'll be sharing a cabin. Now, now," he waved his hands at both of their protests. "I think this will be a real darn good way to get to know each other. Turn from bein' acquaintances to best friends! Hell, ya might even learn what it means to have a sister." The chuckle afterwards was the cause of Amy rolling her eyes, and even Lauren looked a little ghosted. All Amy wanted to do was to call up Karma and talk about how shitty this was going to be, and how much she hated people. Especially old people. And Karma would remind her that it's not their fault if they smell weird, they just aged a little bit. And then there would be laughter and Amy would feel a lot better about it. But she couldn't call her. No. She _refused_ to call her.

Walking to their cabins wasn't too bad. Amy knew that their accommodations wouldn't be too bad, especially if she was staying with Lauren 'Daddy's Girl' Cooper. There were two beds pressed against each wall and it seemed way too close for comfort. The look on Amy's face was full of disgust and a little nervousness. What if she talked in her sleep? What if she said something about Karma that Lauren could use against her?

"This is disgusting," Lauren muttered, bringing Amy out of her daze. Bruce and Farrah must've left because that fake smile that the short blonde held so perfectly was gone and she was kicking the bed that Amy assumed was hers. "I swear to the holy lord above, if you try to climb over and try that carpet munching weirdness on me I will throw you overboard." Sneering at her, Lauren began to unpack her massive bag onto her bed. "Even though you probably love the smell of fish."

Amy gave her the first eyeroll of many to come, she was sure, and just sat down on her bed and glanced down at her phone. Nothing. No messages from Karma, and no messages from even Shane. Had Liam told him what had happened?

"Stop checking," she heard Lauren say, her head snapping up to look at her with a slight glare. But the softness on Lauren's face made her rethink the glare. "She's not going to text you. Trust me, I've been looking too. And, it sucks, but she's not worth it. Seriously, I don't even know what you see in her." And there she goes, being the same old Lauren. Amy was scared that some alien creature inhabited her body and turned her into a _nice_ person.

"Lauren," Amy warned, trying to keep the tiny blonde from speaking ill of her best friend. Former best friend? She wasn't sure.

"No, seriously. Every time you come back from her house you smell like Amsterdam. What do her parents even do? They sell _juice_? And not even juice cleanses like Blue Print. You know, Blake Lively swears by that? Anyways, she's dumb - Karma, not Blake Lively - and she probably has an STD because she's been sleeping with _Liam Booker_. Seriously, I'm surprised that freak doesn't have a baby... or five." As soon as Amy had heard Liam's name, she grabbed her pillow, shoved her face into it and let out a scream - leaving Lauren speechless for once.

"Shut up about Liam Booker! Why is everyone so fucking obsessed with Liam Booker!?" Amy grunted out after her long scream, slamming the pillow down onto the bed. Lauren's wide eyes were even wider at this point, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Jeez, I was trying to make you feel better. That's what happens when you're nice. People turn all _Invasion of the Body Snatchers_ on you." Amy had looked up at this point, looking at her step-sister curiously. "What? I like my retro horror movies, do you have a problem with that?"

And that was all that Amy needed to forget about Liam Booker. It's not that her and Lauren really kept talking after that, but the fact that she had admitted that she wanted to make Amy feel better? It was nice. Really nice. Definitely not Lauren nice, but she wasn't going to complain when someone out there was actually caring about her. Even if it was her evil step-sister from hell… who had apparently watched horror movies from the 50's. Or was it the one from the 70's? Amy made a mental note to ask later. However, at that moment all she wanted to do was close her eyes and sleep for forever.


	3. CHATPER 2: AS TIME GOES BY

**A/N:** Sorry, I was planning on posting this yesterday but a bunch of family issues happened and my family suffered a loss of a loved one, so I'm not sure if that's gonna keep me from writing or to urge me to write more to distract myself! I'm introducing a new character who I think is going to be the most fun person ever to write, so stay tuned!

* * *

**CHAPTER 2: AS TIME GOES BY**

Amy did end up sleeping forever, actually. Alright, maybe not for forever but she slept long enough for a whole day to go by. Granted, she woke up early - early being 8AM - and found Lauren sitting up in bed, on her phone and seemed to be playing some sort of game. She was calm and her hair was a mess, but it looked nice like that. The blonde hair curved around her face that seemed so concentrated on the game that Amy kind of grinned. Seeing Lauren like this made her feel a lot better about herself. She was normal in the morning, and despite what Amy had thought, she didn't go to bed with wake up on. And she looked _way_ better like this than any other time.

_Gross, Amy, stop thinking about how nice Lauren looks_. Shaking her head, the taller girl of the two stretched out and let out a yawn. This caused her step-sister to jump a little and pretend that she was checking Twitter or something. "Orlando Bloom is trying to date Selena Gomez, apparenly," she chirped out, quickly closing out of her game and swiping through her news feed. But Amy knew exactly what she was doing.

"Wow!" Amy muttered, feigning amazement as she pulled herself out of bed. Damnit, she was still wearing her clothes from yesterday.

"You didn't wake me up?" She questioned, glancing at Lauren who was now fixing her hair and trying to find her make up bag.

"No - I was scared if I touched you, you'd wake up from your Karma wet dream and try to play Australian tonsil hockey." A grin was very obvious on her face. But the truth was, she thought that Amy looked adorable when she was sleeping. In a sisterly way, obviously. That's what she told herself.

"Lauren, you are the last person I'd try to play 'Australian tonsil hockey' with." Another eyeroll was given as Amy slid off her t-shirt and pulled on a clean one from her bag - which, apparently, caused a horrified scream from Lauren.

"Oh my _god_ you are coming onto me! There is a perfectly fine _bathroom_ to change in!" The small girl had jumped out of her bed, and with a squeal she was running towards the bathroom and locking herself in.

"I didn't even take my bra off!" Amy called after her, yelling at a closed door. But she could still hear Lauren's piercing voice.

"Jesus Christ, Amy, no one wants to see you with your shirt off! Warn me next time when you think of stripping down in front of me. I'll grab some pepper spray and spray it in my eyes first."

"You are so-ugh!" Amy managed to change, though, even if Lauren was protesting. It was so annoying, but the fact that she was so repulsed by Amy topless was kind of funny. Thinking to herself, Amy had decided that doing something like that was one of the many things she could do to Lauren to get her out of the room.

* * *

After breakfast, there wasn't much to do but play some weird game with smelly old people or sit and tan. Obviously Lauren was going to sit and tan, and Farrah and Bruce had gone off to do some 'couples only' thing. When Amy made a joke about swingers, Bruce just looked utterly confused and her mother was not happy with her sarcasm… but she let her go off and explore the boat. But she must've had some sort of scowl on her face, because an old man grabbed her by the shirt and tugged her towards herself.

"Young lady, you look like someone just took a shit in your oatmeal." The man said plainly, sat in a little walker. He was literally three feet tall (okay, Amy, not literally) and he looked like a Shar Pei puppy. And he didn't seem to smell like an old person. The man was wearing a Hawaiin shirt with a pair of cargo shorts and a chain around his neck. He was definitely trying to look hip, even if he looked like he replaced two of them.

"I-what?" Amy stammered, completely taken aback by this tiny old man who just grabbed her out of nowhere.

"You look like someone just took a _shit_ in your oatmeal." He said it again, this time he was slowing his words down. Flabbergasted, the teen just shook her head and went to start walking away - but the man had a pretty firm grip on her arm. Sighing loudly as he pulled her back, she just gave him an unimpressed look.

"No one crapped in my oatmeal," she muttered, shaking her head. "I didn't even eat oatmeal this morning." Which was beside the point, but she wondered; did people still eat oatmeal?

"It's a figure of speech, dumbass," he said, flicking her arm and causing Amy to jump a little and rub the place where he had flicked it. "Tell me why you look like a baby who just got her bottle stolen away after living in an attic for six months."

"You're weird, and I'm fine," she said, but the old man just gave her a look and she sighed. This was so weird… but she didn't really have anyone to talk to, so she finally turned to him and let her shoulders fall a little. "My mom and new step dad took me on this stupid cruise 'cause they don't trust me to be home alone. And now I'm living with the Wicked Witch from the Upper East Side and she is probably going to make my life hell. I slept with my ex-best friend's ex-boyfriend because I was upset that she wasn't in love with me back, and now we're not talking so I can't even make fun of people with her and have her tell me that I'm being ridiculous."

Amy let out a slight breath after she said that, the man's grumpy face not even changing from the frown that seemed to be permanent on his little face. Rolling her eyes, she just shook her head, "and they don't even have donuts on this dumb cruise." And that caused a little chuckle from the man.

"That's some shit, man," he grunted out, Amy grinning a little at the amount of curse words this tiny man said. "But you know, if you wanted to make fun of some people around me I wouldn't tell you it's ridiculous. Like that lady over there?" The man pointed to an older woman in a striped bathing suit, laying down and reading some type of magazine. "Doesn't she knew that horizontal stripes aren't slimming?"

Laughing, Amy sat down on the bench beside the man's walker, crossing her arms. "Not to mention the fact that she's wearing a fake flower in her hair. What, did she bring that from home to impress everyone? Like, what are they gonna say? Nice plastic flower, did you grow that yourself with plastic seeds?"

"I'm Joseph, but my homies call me Joe," the man had finally said after a few quips about the passengers on this cruise. His stubby little hand extended out to Amy and she took it and gave him a firm shake.

"Amy, but my homies call me Amy."

This was looking like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.


End file.
